5 Friday Tips Before The Weekend!
When someone wrongs you, you may believe you will never be able to recover.
Even after your anger passes, you may continue to dwell on the betrayal rather than allowing it to fade into memory.
It's normal to feel this way. However, it is your inability to forgive that will cause you the most harm.
Here are 5 tips from CYC Lifecare to help you overcome this.
- Understand whether your anger and frustration is constructive or destructive. Constructive anger, solves a problem in the moment by galvanizing you to respond appropriately to a threat. Destructive anger is repetitive and has no positive outcome. “The person you're upset with isn't changing, and you're not growing. In fact, you are forming brain pathways that increase the likelihood of anger.” When anger becomes a habit rather than a way of processing it, or when it is held in for an extended period of time, it "turns out to be destructive both to your physical well-being and to the people around you." Nothing good comes from it.
- Don't worry, you're not saying the offence was acceptable. One of the most common misconceptions about forgiveness is that it implies condoning the offender's behavior. “In reality, forgiveness implies that you do not condone it. You are aware that what they are doing is wrong or inappropriate, but you choose to cleanse your heart. You don't make excuses for your actions. You simply accept it and make peace with it. That is quite different.
- Remind yourself of the reasons why you want this person in your life. When someone you care about acts in a way that hurts you but you want to keep the relationship, remembering the good the person has done for your life. “People cannot be replaced. It's important to remember that you only have one father, one mother, and one best friend.” This doesn’t mean people should stick around for mistreatment or stay in a bad or unhealthy relationship. It does, however, imply that successful relationships are difficult to cultivate and maintain if you are harboring grudges, keeping score, or plotting ways to make someone pay for something he or she did. Almost every relationship you've ever been in requires some forgiveness to survive. Everyone is flawed, and so are our perceptions. As a result, getting hurt is unavoidable. In order to have happy, long-term relationships, we need a mechanism for letting go and making peace.
- Define your boundaries. When you've been hurt by someone with whom you have a relationship, some gentle boundary setting may be necessary. But, this does not imply calling people out, blaming them, or disowning them. “Learn to say simply, ‘What you just did is not OK.”
- Make yourself the hero. Attributing your current distress to something that happened in the past is a way of making yourself a victim. The example is if someone said ‘The reason I’m unhappy now is that my wife left me three years ago,’ that’s creating victimhood.” A more truthful statement, he says, would be something like, ‘The reason I’m unhappy now is that my wife left me; I didn’t have adequate resources for dealing with it, and in the years since I haven’t figured out how to make peace with that. "When you tell yourself, ‘The only one who is going to rescue me is me,’ that creates a kind of heroic efficacy that says, ‘I have to solve this problem. I have to figure out how to be OK and be happy in a life that includes the painful end of a marriage,’” he says. When you can do that, you gain a sense of your own resilience. “When one is able to forgive, it leads to a little more efficacy in handling one’s life. Instead of being limited or afraid, you get a sense of, ‘I know I can cope with difficulty.’ That’s probably the biggest personal benefit.”
So don't let anger control you, let go and be free and you will be a happier person.